The Dream

(This is dedicated to Maha and Shamoussa, with my deep love)
(Adapted from the original script written on 1997)

She was sitting in the same place she sat at every time she came here. And there he stood, far away from her, like a shining star in a clear night. She was watching him with great admiration, like everyone else. He was “perfect”. They all liked him however no one liked him as she did. She adored him. He was everything to her.
She knew well he doesn’t know her, he even doesn’t notice her. How could he through all these people? It was her dream that one day he would notice her and come down from where he was and talk to her. But it was just a dream as it was not possible, as long as she was sitting in a place like hers. But she couldn’t afford more than that. She had to be thankful, that was much better than nothing at all. She was satisfied to see him every night for three hours. It was enough for her to enjoy his company, even knowing that to him she doesn’t exist. He was great, she knew it. The applauding and cheers, she was hearing said so. She dreamt he would be talking to her. But it was a dream, her favorite, which would never happen, not after a million years. How could someone like him notice someone like her? It would never happen.
“I love you,” he cried.
She knew the sentence wasn’t for her, but she pretended it was and answered it simply in a whisper.
“I love you too.”
She wished he could hear her. But it was a dream, which will never come true.
It was over now and everybody was gone. If he only could appear once, just to tell him goodbye and have one of his great smiles. But how?! He must have left now. She felt so lonely and terribly sad. Yet she was still dreaming about him.
A hand touched her shoulder.
She turned around.
Then she saw him. It was him.
She was not dreaming but she couldn’t believe her eyes.
It must be a mistake.
“I know you,” he said. “You come here every night to watch the performance. You must like it very much. I’d like to know you a little better. Would you like to have dinner with me?”
And how could she say no?! That was her dream, which was coming true.
***************************************************
“What’s wrong my dear? You have been acting very weird lately?”
He asked her one night as they were having dinner outside. She stared at him for a while and thought of the time that has passed.
They have been together for quite a while. In the beginning, it was perfect. Everything she ever wanted or dreamt of was coming true. Everyone envied her for having him, as he was funny, responsible, so loving and caring in addition to a great social character. Simply everyone said he was “Perfect” and the more she knew him the more she realized it and grew more dependent on him. Slowly she started to lose her powers to judge. Anything that needed decision, however small it was, she had to run to him for advice and the more she asked for his advice, the more she lost her independence. Then she started to realize that she is not as smart, reliable or as perfect as he is. In public, she would be having a great conversation with everyone until he showed up and then a weird silence would land on her, as if she had lost the power to speak. Inside, she was always afraid, afraid of making a mistake while she is around him as she didn’t want anyone and especially him, to think of her as his inferior. So she preferred to stay silent.
“Please sir, would you give us your signature?”
A group of ladies stood by the table with pieces of paper and pens.
Being popular had its disadvantage, one of which he was always surrounded by others. This in turn reflected on her as she became more and more alone. It wasn’t the lonesome that annoyed her because she had been used to it before she met him, but more her dependence on him, like a drug addict who can’t live without his doses. Even when she tried to break free and become independent, the smallest pit she faced, made her panic so bad that she would run with all what was left in her strength to his shelter, to find peace.
“Is everything ok?” he asked her again when he was done with the signatures. “I’m sorry dear. I know this bothers you. I promise next time we go out, I’ll try to pick up a more private place.”
She nodded.
She was not bothered by the signatures and in fact he acted really great concerning that matter and others too. She was more bothered by herself, her identity which she seemed to have lost somewhere and she could not tell where.
****************************************************
“But why?” her friend asked her one day.
“To be myself again.” She said.
“But he is not as perfect as you think. You only see him like this because you love him.”
She was not sure whether it was true or not. She had always seen him as perfect and as her dream. But she could no longer take it. It was something about his perfection that was sucking her spirit away from her, leaving her as an amorphous creature. It reminded her of the story of the butterfly that was so attracted to the sun’s light that it kept getting closer and closer till it got burnt and died. Well she will not wait till she dies like the butterfly. She loved the sunlight but she definitely had the courage to stay away from its heat.
“It is over between us,” she told her friend with more determination than she ever had. She knew she was going to suffer through the process until she regained herself back. But she didn’t care. She knew she was a survivor, reality as well as her previous life told her so and she would definitely stay as one. As for him, her dream, that was just one of the millions she had, one that was not meant to be.

A princess or a gypsy?!

I had the chance to be around both, Princess and Gypsy.
Princess is a princess in every meaning the word describes. The way she moves around so quietly, yet elegantly. The way she walks as if taught by a professional. When she talks, it is as if the best linguistic in the world is guarding her tongue. Her voice is so soft that you want to listen to her forever as she makes you feel in paradise. Her laughter is never loud but more like a decent smile. She is so perfect that you feel she never makes a mistake. Whenever she is around, you can do nothing but watch her in wonder and feel you want to bow in respect.
However, you never get the chance to be her friend. She would be close yet so distant, as if a star so far away or a fairytale princess in her ivory tower. You try to penetrate that barrier and get to her mind but you never succeed because she is like a precious diamond in a sparkling glass window with hundreds of security codes that you can’t break. So you only keep watching and admiring her every time, wishing and trying to be closer, then you realize you can’t, so you simply give her one more look and you go on your way.

Gypsy is the opposite in every way. Her loud voice and chattering laugh come before you can even see her, and the moment she steps in the air feels different As she moves, everything around her get a piece of her attention. She is either talking to someone, to something or to herself. She is so full of life and energy to a contagious degree that you stay around her for a while and you are more live as you have ever been. The excitement you see in her eyes when she talks about something she believes in makes you so excited about the topic, even if you were not previously. As an opened book, one look in her eyes and it’s like you are in her heart and mind. So opened and so bold as if she has no fear, yet at moments of weakness so fragile that you just want to do anything to comfort her. You disagree with her in a conversation and she will not rest in peace until she proves her point but in the warmest and most friendly way you have seen that by the end of the conversation you don’t know if you want to wrestle her or hug her.

So if you were at a point where you had to choose to become one of them, who would it be? Would it be the princess who everyone admires yet so far away? Or would it be the gypsy that appears so common yet so close to your heart? Someone once told me that you don’t have to choose as there is nothing more unique and perfect than being yourself, but that answer never satisfied me and I kept wondering, if I were to choose, would it be princess or gypsy???

Battlefield in HER's head

Righteousness (mad): What, in heaven's name, do you think you are doing?
Corruption (surprised): What?!
Righteousness (still mad): I am asking you what are you doing?
Corruption: I am not doing anything.
Righteousness (more mad): Liar, you just told HER not to finish her work.
Corruption: I did not.
Righteousness: Yes you did.
Corruption: No, I didn't. She is the one who doesn't want to work. She is tired and sick of it.
Righteousness: Yes and you are encouraging her.
Corruption: Well, of course I am. This is my job.
Righteousness: You are evil. You are just driving HER to her mysery. You know she has to finish this or else she will be in trouble.
Corruption: Well it's your job to convince her not to listen to me.
Righteousness: Well I can't do my job because you are so tempting. One word of you distracts HER from listening to me.
Corruption (smiling): Well this is because I am good.
Righteousness: No that is because you just know her weakness.
Corruption: Unlike you who doesn't and is always pushing her so hard that one day she will just totally surrender to me.
Righteousness: That will never happen. And wait a minute! You are also telling her to go to that place with these people and specially that guy whom she shouldn't go with.
Corruption: Yes. I told you she is tired because you keep pushing her all the time. Now she needs some fun to keep going and this is my job.
Righteousness: But what you are telling her is wrong.
Corruption: Yeah and that is the fun of it.
Righteousness: Oh, please HER don't listen to Corruption, she is just driving you to your own ruin. Forget about going out. You have work to do.
Corruption: Ha ha haaaaaaaaaa, she is not gonna listen to you. My voice is filling her head now. She loves my ideas and she is not gonna listen to you.
Righteousness: No she will. I will make her listen to me.
Corruption (with sarcasm): How are you gonna do that?
Righteousness: I will show you how (and with her fist, hits her nose and drives her back a couple of feet)
Corruption (in pain): Aaw, what was thatfor?
Righteousness (challenging): So that you can shut up and HER can hear me.
Corrupt: Alright if this is the case, here we go (and she pulls Righteousness's hair)
Righteousness: (Screams) You are asking for a fight! Ok, I am all ready for it.
(They start fighting. It becomes more intense every minute. Now both Corruption and Righteousness are all over each other, a smack from here and a bite from there, all tangled up, banging things around and creating an enourmous mess and noise.)
HER (screaming in pain): Stooooooooooooooooop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Both Corruption and Righteousness: Shut up there, we are working here. (and they continue fighting.)
(All of a sudden a big bang, as if something was just hit against the wall. Another bang, a third and a fourth. Corruption and Righteousness stop. Wait for a minute and a fifth bang comes along.)
Corruption: What is this?!
Righteousness: I think HER is banging her head against the wall.
Corruption: What? Why is she doing this?
Righteousness: I am not quite sure but I think she is trying to get rid of one of us.
Corruption: What a fool? Doesn't she know that she can't get rid of us ever?
(Another bang)
Righteousness: Well not if she killed herself.
Corruption: Hmm, what an idea?! (Screams out) Hey girl keep doing that, great job! This world doesn't really deserve living in it.
Righteousness: Are you out of your mind?! This is a sin!!!
Corruption: Do you think I care! That is why they call me Corruption and you are Miss Righteousness.
Righteousness: Ok, I will say it in a language you understand. If she goes, we go with her. Do you still want her to kill herself.
Corruption (thinking): Hmm, may be not. (Smiling) But I can keep her doing it till she just starts to bleed. The veins up here would only take a few more bangs like that and then they will just burst.(screaming) Hey girl one more time and all your problems will be solved. (Hear another bang) That is just lovely!! One more.
Righteousness (sreaming): Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! Stop it you are gonna kill yourself. God doesn't like people who kill themselves. Stooooooooooooooooooop. (and she starts pushing Corruption again, they start once more in a fight. The banging from outside increases.)
Reason (sleepy): Ahm, what is going on? You guys are not fighting again are you? And what is all that banging?
Righteousness: It is all Corruption's fault. As always.
Corruption: No it's not. You are the one who started fighting with me.
Righteousness: That is because you are trying to let HER do things that she shouldn't be doing.
Corruption: And you are being so stern, not considering that she is human and has needs and desires that need to be fulfilled. She can't just simply follow the book of right all the time.
(They start fighting again.)
Reason (trying to be in control): Ladies, ladies!!! Let's try to be more civilized here, shall we? Would someone please tell me what is going on here?
Righteousness: She is telling her not to finish her work and to go to that party with that guy, and she should not because it's wrong.
Corruption: I disagree. All what I want is for her to be happy. She has been so tired lately and working so hard that some fun would do her some good. But of course Miss Righteousness won't let me do it because she doesn't understand what is fun in the first place.
Righteousness: Yes I don't understand fun when she has work to do.
Reason: Ok ladies, you are never gonna grow up, I just leave you guys by yourself and everything is ruined. (Thinking) But I think I have a solution for this one.
Both Righteousness and Corruption at the same time (pointing to each other): I don't think you can say anything that make me agree on anything she agrees on.
Reason: Just listen to me. Righteousness, HER has been really working hard lately and she needs to relax for a while.
Corruption: That is what I say.
Righteousness: No way in Heaven.
Reason: I am not done yet. Corruption, you know very well that she has some work to do and she has to do it.
Righteousness: This is what I say.
Corruption: Nonsense, she is human she can't keep working all the time.
Reason (Angry): Can both of you shut up till I am done? (Calms herself down) So here is the deal. She works for a while, finishes what she needs to do and then she goes out with her other group of friends for dinner and a movie.
Corruption: What about going out with him?
Righteousness: No hims.
Corruption: That is not fair. She needs someone in her life.
Reason: Well if it is really a necessity, that other guy in their group might go out for dinner. He is no problem. But not that first guy. He is just trouble.
(Silence)
Reason: What do you guys think?
Corruption (shrugs): Well, it is ok with me.
Righteousness (not really excited about it): May be yes.
Reason (All excited): Yeah, finally no more fighting. (And for a while it was really calm. Even the banging that came from outside stopped at that moment.)
Reason: Great!! Now some relaxation around. Don't worry HER. I am all in control and it will all be fine now.
Corruption and Righteousness (Both looking at each other with challenge and whispering): That's what you think!!!!!!