Being Alive

I was invited to spend this 4^th of July at a friend of a friend’s house, where, I was told, to be an excellent place to watch the fireworks, as they have a porch that looks up to the park where the fireworks would be done. With not too much on my mind to think about, I accepted the invitation thinking that it would just be a regular evening, one where I would hang out with some people, have some snacks and watch the fireworks. However, as I arrived to their house, I was received by a – may be- sixty something year old lady, in blue shorts and an American flag T-shirt, whom I later came to know to be my friend’s friend’s mother. She was very welcoming, especially for someone who has not met me before and didn’t really have a clue who I was. She showed me around, asked me to pardon the crazy dogs- which did not stop barking the moment I stepped in, asked me if I would like anything to eat or drink, and finally said to excuse her for the dozen of candles that she had lit, for she loved their smell and had them burning since the afternoon.

As I went to sit down on one of the patio chairs, in a nice location to watch the fireworks from, the mother was just moving around, very energetically, talking to everyone, asking them if they wanted anything. When she was finally convinced that everyone in the house was fine, she sat down beside my friend, only to tell her about all those trips that she had taken in the past two years. Florida, gone to Disney world, Arizona, saw the Grand Canyon, Italy, went to Venice, Alaska, Spain, Morocco, planning a trip to Mexico in the fall. The one thing that I could not miss is that she enjoyed every moment of every trip she took- not that I would find it difficult to enjoy traveling around. But this was a very different sort of enjoyment, a very genuine enjoyment, as there were things like having to have your own torches in Mexico because the place they were going to had no lights at night in the streets and she found this to be extremely exciting. I have to say I watched her speak and all what I could think of is that she was the most alive person in the entire place, as all the rest of us, were either staring into the empty skies waiting for the fireworks to start or just staring into nothing, probably emptying our brains from whatever was in them. And I have to say, that I really admired her spirit and her love for life, with the simplest and smallest thing in it.

Just as the fireworks started, I saw her run onto the stairs of the porch and sat down on them very close to her daughter and husband. As someone in the house put the radio on, to listen to the songs they were broadcasting from the park where the fireworks were done, she started very actively singing with the music and rocking back and forth holding her daughter’s and husband’s hands.

The fireworks seemed fine to me, but for her, they were very exciting, every single one of them. The one with the smiley face was cute, the one with the blue, red and white colors was very strong, the one with the swirls was very shinny. She was super excited about everything that- to me- it was becoming more interesting to watch her then to watch the fireworks. When the fireworks ended, she firmly wrapped her arms around her daughter and husband giving them a long hug and she said, “Another fourth of July fireworks with you guys.” I have to admit it was really emotionally to see them! When time came for us to leave, to my surprise, she gave my friend and me a big hug and wished us good luck in all what we do.

So on our way home, I couldn’t help but to express my admiration to my friend, saying how active I found that lady to be. To my deepest surprise, my friend gave a loud sigh and told me the saddest piece of news. “She has cancer,” my friend said, “Been diagnosed with it for more than two years. The doctors told her then she had only three months to live.”

And then I realized it all, the reason behind all this activity, all this appreciation and all this love. She is acting with one and only fact in mind, the fact that it is only for today that she is alive and accordingly, with all the determination that she has, she will, to the full, live every single moment of it.

SCREAM !!!!

Normally people want to scream when bad or terrible things happen to them. Normally, one would want to vent when they are facing a problem or are surrounded by a confusing situation. Usually someone seeks close friends for advice when they are in trouble or in deep dilemma. In such circumstances, it is understandable when one feels lonely, upset or miserable. It is ok when you want to scream to let it all out. It is ok when you can’t focus in your work. In such a situation, going boxing or running till your muscles tear apart is an absolutely expected thing. And usually it is completely ok if all what you want to do is to run away from all of it.

What is not normal and is considered really weird is when this feeling comes to you when something good is happening in your life. It becomes very confusing when you are passing through an exciting adventure or facing happy events and you still feel that you want to scream, not out of happiness, but rather out of fear. It becomes really frightening when every part of your body is excited about everything that is going on, yet your mind can not stop spinning-even for a minute-in your head and your heart beat passes a hundred while sitting down in your chair. It is very confusing when almost every aspect of your life has promise of a bright future, yet you feel an invisible hand reaching within your chest, squeezing your heart incredibly tight that you literally feel it stops beating.

When all this happens to you, and if you are a logical person, without even actively thinking about it, your mind tries to find explanations, starts to wonder why you are filled with all these emotions that certainly contradict themselves. And the first thing that comes to your mind is “What -for God’s sake- is wrong with you?” Then this is followed by another question wondering if there is something wrong in general. You wonder if this is your basic instinct screaming telling you to watch out from some unknown hidden danger. You wonder if there is something horrible about to happen- which you can not see- and that this is the way you are being warned. So without further delay, your mind spins faster and faster, thinking that by doing so it will be able to protect you from that hidden danger, an action the consequences of which are expected. You stand on the top of the highest building you know and from the deepest innermost part of your lung, you scream out loud, “Enough!!!”

What you do not know and is very interesting, is that if you slowed down-even for as little as a few seconds- if you just slow down and try to look at the whole situation from a different perspective, a perspective that has a sign written on it saying, “It is the change”, you will realize how all this anxiety just exists inside your head as a result of being subjected to a relatively new experience. You will realize that the whole situation is much more simple than any of those complicated scenarios that your mind has been jumping into. You will realize- if you slow down- that all this anticipation and fear will fade away before you can even blink an eye. Then all of a sudden that urge to scream out loud would just disappear and be replaced by a loud laugh and a cry of amusement that is full of life, asking for more and an attitude to enjoy every moment of this change.

Can you say the words?!!!

I don't know if someone else out there feels the same way towards this song, but I think the words are amazing, especially when accompanied by the charming music and only one thought comes across my mind when I am listening to it..... how many out there are willing to say such words to someone that gave all the love but was never appreciated?!!!!!!!

Confession by Josh Groban

I have been blind, unwilling to see
The true love you're giving.
I have ignored every blessing.
I'm on my knees confessing

That I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.

I have been wrong about you.
Thought I was strong without you.
For so long nothing could move me.
For so long nothing could change me.
Now I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am captured by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.

You are the air that I breath.
You're the ground beneath my feet.
When did I stop believing?

Cause I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.
Hear my confession

سكينة

المكان: القاهرة فى شارع فى أحد الميادين المزدحمة
الزمان: حوالى الساعة الثالثة بعد الظهر
المنظر: لقطة من البلكونة فى الدور الثالث

الدنيا زحمة والشوارع بالخلق مليانة
بتجرى ذى النمل حوالين حتة سكر شاقيانة
العربيات فى صراع عنيف
مخلوط بكلكسات مستمرة بصوت مخيف
و عربية إسعاف مندفعة بسرعة
و صوت سرينتها العالى يدوى
تبص جواها تلاقيها فاضية
طب يا عم ليه الصداع الى يكوى
و عم رمضان بتاع الخضار
بينادى و يقول معسل يا خيار
و عم فنوس بتاع العرقسوس
صوته و لا أجدع ناقوس
و المكوجى كمان عامل إزعاج
براديو خرمان جايب شاندو و برنجان
والست أم عبده واقفة فى البلكونة
بتنادى و تزعق يا أخونا الحقونا
سمفونية أصيلة من الدوشة و الظيطة
تربى الخفيف لإجدع دماغ
و رغم كل ده شعور غريب بالهدوء و الطمأنينة
تقدر يا جدى تقولى منين جات الست سكينة
رد جدى هو إنت يا بنتى لسة مفهمتيش بيت القصيدة
مهما رحتى ولاجيتى عمرك ماحتلاقى حتة
أحاسيسك نحيتها ذى بلدك عجيبة
تحبيها قوى و برضه تكرهيها قوى
...ليه
يمكن لإنك منها ولإن زكرياتك فيها غالية
ويمكن لإنك شفتى أحسن و بتتألمى
لما تفكرى ليه ذى غيرها متكنش هادية

Transformation

Weird this transformation once you get onto a plane,
Weird this transformation once you are there,
Weird this transformation when you reach home.
It is not only the difference in the surroundings and atmosphere or in the language of speech, but it is a total transformation that includes everything, your attitude, your mind and even your soul.
How?
I don’t know but all of a sudden, the fragile, indecisive and worried person who is always seeking the advice from others turns into the strong, firm and tranquil identity that others seek for support.
The person who is sloppy and unorganized turns into an idol that everyone thinks highly of.
The talkative, people dependent character turns into the most attentive independent listener.
Amazing isn’t it? What some miles and a different environment can do?But then I would wonder, would this transformation last or is it a transient status that would reverse with time?!

The middle wing...

Right……or left
Black……or white
Positive…..or negative
Friend……or enemy
Dark….or light
Yes…or no
Why does it always have to be one or the other?
Why does it always have to be that if it is not like this then it is like that?
Why if the person standing in front of me is not with me then he is against me?
Why can’t we look around and see how the world is like?
That in addition to right and left, there is always a middle.
The world is not black and white but an infinite number of colors.
For a positive and a negative to live together in an atom, there is also a neutral particle.
We have friends, enemies and people who are neither.
The sun does not rise up all of a sudden and night comes in slowly.
And there are lots of times when the answer to a question in may be.
May be when we realize all this, we can find peace.
May be then everyone holding a bomb would think twice before throwing it.
Or someone who insults a friend because of an argument would reconsider.
May be then we can see someone who is different and don’t think of him as an alien from Mars.
Can this really happen one day?!
Or are we only taking the bird with its right and left wings as a model, believing that there is no such thing as the middle wing!!!

Someone ordinary…

I couldn’t help but jumping up to say hi when I saw him walking through the door that day. Seeing him was so pleasant to myself as if I’ve got the best news.
Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t anyone special. He was just an ordinary guy, as ordinary as all of us. Someone who can be walking in the street and you pass him without even noticing him.
He came to work with us for training for six weeks. At the beginning, he looked to me like anyone, ordinary looks, ordinary outfit, ordinary intelligence, ordinary speech…just ordinary.
Then I started to get to know him and I realized that behind that ordinary appearance, there is a great personality and an awesome character, someone who is nice to talk to and work with, someone who actually listens even though you think he doesn’t, someone who understands, someone who is responsible and intellectual, someone who is deep, someone who has principles and integrity, someone who appreciates things and others, someone who cares, someone who feels and acts as if it does really matter, someone with a smile even at hard times, someone with a good attitude even at bad situations, someone who is willing to help, not for anything in return, someone who never complains, someone who is really really living in peace!!!
So I decided to ask him. What was his big secret? How can he be that way he was? He simply gave a short laugh and said that he owed it all to a little practice that he got used to do. Every night before he goes to bed he asks God to carry everything from him because his back is weak. Then he added, “And it actually does work because I wake up in the morning as if nothing happened the day before.”
So although I’ve known him for a short time and he is not there any more, the memory of him brings a smile to my face and a wish that it would be great if I would just know more people like him.

Fruits basket..... A must see..... A must read

It’s a series of Japanese anime that I have been lately watching its episodes and reading its books. It is like a typical anime, where everyone has big eyes that fill three quarters of their faces and small sharp noses, however it is quite different from any anime I have watched before. So in other words quite different than Captain Maged and Mazennger. I know this might be shocking to some of you especially if you pay attention to the age issue. However, trust me on this one and please allow me to go on.



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Yes, it is a cartoon and yes I think it is meant to address teenagers mostly. Yet it’s the most spectacular thing I have seen in a long time, simply because it makes me very happy. I know you are saying, “She must have gone crazy, or may be she is having an adolescent attack… etc.” But please trust me on this one and give it a try.

I recommend watching the episodes before reading the books as the music has a great effect in understanding what I say. Also if you can get the Japanese version with the English subtitles would be much better the English dubbed version as the sounds and patterns of speech in Japanese gives it lots of its magic. However if you can’t get access to the show itself, get the books. They will still do the job.

Have you ever been in paradise? That is actually how I feel when I watch or read those. If you forget the fact that it is an anime and pass beyond the idea that it might be an extremely childish thing to do, then you will really see what I – and lots of others in different ages - have seen in it.



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The main theme of the story is how to accept the other self, how to learn to live with it however different it is, how to cherish oneself with all it’s faults, how to keep trying to stand even when you keep falling, how to forgive and how to love, how to move along and how to progress, how to be optimistic and how to see beauty in everything or everyone even when things around are not that great and even when everything is really against every positive thought.

I won’t tell you the details but briefly it is about an orphan high school girl who ends up staying with a family that she later discovers are cursed and their fate is doomed. It develops with this girl entering into everyone’s life in this family, changing their perspective towards it and bringing up beauty in it.

Just try it out and pay attention to the words they say as the beauty mostly lies in the meaning of these words. I don’t know how it does it but you watch it and all of a sudden you feel happy, satisfied and in peace. Although sometimes it may bring tears to your eyes but somewhere in it, with all the humor, the emotions, the love and the principles in it, at the end, it definitely brings a smile to your face.

Living in a dream

A very weird feeling after all these years…
A feeling that I thought I couldn’t have any more…
A feeling I thought I am too old to have…
The feeling that you have when you go to a trip with your best friends and laugh nonstop…
Or when you spend hours reading a book so close to your heart…
The feeling you have when you get so much involved in an imaginary series or a magical movie…
Or when you watch sunrise on the beach with someone who is so dear…
That feeling that fills your heart with magic and lifts your spirit up to the sky…
That feeling that happens in only one place, in fairy tales….
That feeling of living in a dream!!
Then suddenly, you come back home, the book ends, the movie finishes, or evening comes.
Suddenly, you open your eyes and wake up…
Suddenly, you realize it is not real or it is not there anymore…
It is a memory, a dream and it does not exist.
But this can’t be true. It was so real that you were living in it.
You panic and tears roll from your eyes and you feel pain squeezing your heart.
You realize that you need to face the truth, the facts, face your life that although not bad you still wanted it to be like the dream.
Then you think…
May be it’s not bad after all, even if they were not real…
Those memories, those dreams are there to help you, to support you, to keep you going…
To shield you from the sorrow in the world…
To draw a smile on your face when grumpy faces are all what you meet…
To help you go through it all.
So you wipe your tears and raise your head up high to look at the sun or watch the bird…
And tell yourself thank God I have a place to run to whenever I need to find happiness and purity...
Thank God for being able, even for just a few moments, to live in a dream.

Innocence

One time late at night, I headed to a fast food place to grab some dinner. As I stepped in, I realized that the waitress gave me a grumpy face as they were about to close. I didn’t really care for I was starving to death and I knew it wouldn’t take me that long to get done with my meal. So I ordered my food and sat down on a table to have my meal. Being the only customer in the place, they didn’t really care about me and the waitress in charge started to clean up the place, with the grumpy look still on her face. Then all of a sudden, a smiley face appeared in the place. A girl of six stood in front of me, with her white floral shirt and pink pants, holding a wet towel in her hand. As I looked at her, she gave me a bigger smile and with all her strength started cleaning some of the tables. So dedicated in doing it, she was. So full of energy, although her shyness that I might be watching her. I turned my face away from where she was, pretending not to look. Once she was sure that I was watching her no more, her shyness and intimidation were gone. Slowly she fully regained her confidence and started to talk to her imaginary friends about how she’d make those tables the most shinny in the place. So attentive she was to accomplish her task. Once she was done, she looked at the tables with the pride Michelangelo probably had when he was done painting the ceilings of the Sistine Chapel. Then she turned to her grumpy mother and told her to see what she had accomplished. With little attention, the mother gave to her, she moved to the next set of tables and started again so attentively to clean them. When she was done, she turned to me and gave me another smile and although I could see the shyness trying to prevent her, yet she said, “Oh, these tables are wet because I was cleaning them, so take care and don’t sit on them.” I smiled back and told her not to worry and added that she did a good job. So excited, yet so shy, she gave me half a laugh and then turned her back and went on ahead with her new assignment. I followed her with my eyes and thought that if I’m only given one thing to pray for, I will pray for the innocence, the innocence of a child.

Passing the good along...

(Dedicated to the best I have ever known, Mom and Dad)

When I was one, I was a helpless little creature that required someone to feed her, dress her and put her to bed.
At that time they were there, took every possible care and dedicated every moment of their time for me.

When I was five, it was time for me to go to school. So intimidated by the new environment I was.
They were there for me, encouraging me and telling me that it is there in school where I will learn my ABC.

When I was thirteen, I started to rebel, thinking that I know everything and feeling home was where I would suffocate.
So patient, they were there for me, not ever losing their temper and telling me how ignorant I was.

Then I became eighteen, ready to start college and so excited about a new world of freedom and independence.
They were there for me giving me their experience, love and support without trying to influence my character or who I was becoming to be.

Then I turned twenty five, so overwhelmed by the real world as it was time for all the big decisions to be made.
They were there for me, believing in my judgment and supporting every decision I make.

Then I close my eyes and see the future, when I am thirty, again overwhelmed with a responsibility of a marriage and children, wondering if I will ever be able to make a good parent.
I see them there, with their hands on my shoulder, telling me that I am doing fine.

Then I become forty two, driven crazy with teenage children that are always against everything I tell them.
I see them there, telling me to have patience and reminding me how things used to be with me.

Then ten years pass and I am fifty five, with my children have grown up and are now ready to make their own decisions.
I see them there, with a lovely smile telling me not to worry because I have done a good job and raised them fine. Then they laugh and say, “My little child, the world will repeat itself and the good our parents had done, we have passed along to you and you to your children. Now it’s your turn to tell them to pass it to theirs.”

Then I see myself, seventy years of age, and I see my children passing through it all, with children of their own, and the fear that they wouldn’t do it as well as I did. So I smile and hold their hands and tell them what my parents told me before. Then I think how extremely right they were and that it’s only through love, support and care that it is possible for us, the human kind, to survive.

Lost and found

I lost a friend and I don’t know why
What happened? What went wrong?
Was it something I did or said?
Or something I should have done?
I asked the question with no answer to come
Only endless silence I heard and it wasn’t fun.
So much pain, it does cause,
To see a friend go away so fast,
After all what we’ve shared together,
After all what we’ve been through,
So hard to imagine my life without
The support and love of my friend.
I prayed so hard day after day,
That someday, he’d come back,
Forgetting about whatever happened or didn’t happen,
And just allowing me from the beginning to start.
But time passed by and he never showed up,
And slowly he became a memory that only in my head resided.
Then one day the phone rang.
I picked up and said hello.
To my deep surprise, I heard his voice from the other side saying hi.
I couldn’t speak for a moment, I couldn’t say a word.
Was it really him after all these years?!
He asked me how I was and how my life has been.
I answered back and to my surprise his questions kept going on,
With a little joke or a laugh in between.
Then he said he had to go,
But he promised he’d call again,
And insisted we should meet at some point
To revive all those memories of an old friendship,
And suggested having a trip with all of our friends,
Saying that such a thing would be of so much fun.
As he hang up, I kept holding the phone,
Wondering if it was really him.
What happened? What made him come back?!
I haven’t seen him in years so it couldn’t be something I have done.
Then I thought may be it was my prayers. They were answered at last.
So I went on my knees and thanked The Lord,
For now life seems to have a taste,
Now I can really have fun,
As I have once lost my friend but now he is found.

Being Strong...

Being strong is like being a fragile glass ornament sheltered by strong concrete bars!!!

Spinning Mind

Spinning mind, spinning every moment very fast,
Never stopping or even slowing down,
Exhausting me from following you around,
Why don’t you stop and rest for a while in peace?
Don’t you know that I can’t keep up going
With even one tenth of your speed?!
Don’t you know that I can’t deal with your endless desire
To always achieve the best one’s ever got?!
Nor can I stand your smartness that drives people away?!
Why don’t you forget about doing everything or about being perfect,
And just live your life and enjoy what you got to the fullest,
Instead of wasting my life being breathless running around all the time?
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Exhausted self, exhausted from following me around all the way,
Sorry to say, but to me that is the only way I know,
To keep you well placed as desired by your dreams and thoughts.
I know I keep you spinning around behind me.
But you know my friend, you are on your own,
With no one there for you to share his mind and thoughts,
So I have to keep going with double the speed,
To ensure you comfort and that lovely peace,
And if you insist, to your desire, I can slow down.
But I bet you, you won't be as satisfied,
When all your dreams you won’t fulfill.
For you see my dear, dreams sound so easy,
However, the whole trick is how to think right to achieve them,
And that is what I have been spinning so hard to do.
But don’t you worry, a day will come when you settle down,
Or have another mind with whom your thoughts you share,
Then I promise, for a while, I will try to slow down,
And let you really enjoy a less exhausting life and the peace around.

El-Ra2asou 3ala Elselm…. "Those who danced on the stairs...."

Who am I and where do I belong?
Am I “X” or “Y”?
I talk to “Xs” and I feel I am different.
I talk to “Ys” and I feel I don’t fit in.
So lost in my own special world that has no like anywhere else,
So lost in an identity of my own,
Is there such a thing that exists as being in between?
Is there such a world as “XY”?
And if it does exist, why aren’t there any more out there like me?
And if it doesn’t, will I always be like El-Ra2asou 3ala Elselm….?!!!

[The Egyptian saying: “El-ra2asou 3ala el-selm, lel-ta7t shafohom, wala el-fo2 3abarohom”
Roughly: Those who danced on the stairs, neither saw them those underneath, nor paid them attention those above]

The beauty from above

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A demanding but a friendly voice was calling from above telling me to take a photo. I guess it didn't want me to miss such beauty, as lots of time I walk with my eyes down and my thoughts away in every day's drama. I also think it wanted to tell me how amazing the beauty that surrounds us is.
Or don't you agree?!!!

A miserable ungrateful creature

I was sitting there trying to read when a fifty year old lady caught my attention, as she came to sit in front of me with her husband and children. It was not anything she did or said that made my eyes follow her, but it was the fact that her husband was holding her hands tight and she was moving slowly, simply because she was blind. As she sat down, her husband and children went to grab some hotdogs and left her alone. So filled with peace, although her lost looks, she hanged her purse on her knee and leaned her bag on her leg, so she would feel them instead of seeing them. With tranquility, she sat there looking straight ahead as if she was watching the outside through the window.
A few moments later, her husband came, holding a hotdog in a bun for her. She took the plate from him and placed it on her laps and with searching fingers, she looked for the hotdog lying in front of her. As her fingers touched the bun, they eagerly started to search for the ketchup. As she found it, she leaned toward her husband and asked him if it was ketchup or mustard. Once he replied, the eager fingers tore open the pack and squeezed it all on the same spot. Then they spread the ketchup on the hotdog. She held the bun and slowly approached it to her mouth, which although was not a successful attempt in the first time, it was in the second. Just before her first bite, her youngest teenager son came back, all grumpy and moaning saying that they ran out of hotdogs and he couldn’t get any. So loving, she held the bun towards where the sound came from and offered him to take hers. When he asked her what she was going to eat if he took it, she simply smiled and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not that hungry. I’ll be fine.”
The words struck me tremendously. “Be fine”!!!! She was blind and she said she’d be fine. I wondered how many times I have not been fine and I thought that the world has come to an end because of a reason that doesn’t deserve. How many times have I complained about things that don’t matter? Then I realized how miserable ungrateful creature I am, not just for complaining but also for not appreciating or even realizing every bless I have.

Fascinated....

When I was a child I was fascinated by airports. Every time someone I know was arriving or leaving, it was my little adventure to accompany my dad to either pick him up or drop him off to the airport. I always thought how amazing it would be to travel around to different places and I prayed for the day I would do that.

Now, although I have been traveling around a lot and being in an airport became quite a normal thing, I still have this fascination for them. Although the limited space the airport occupies, yet it encloses all those different people going and coming from all those different places for all those different reasons.

You see that guy dressed up in an elegant suit, with a laptop and cell phone, talking business and wonder if he was having his 50 million dollars deal within the next few hours. You see that family of six in their Hawaiian shirts, flip flops and tanned skin and wonder how great the trip to Hawaii was. You see that eighty year old, wrinkled lady in her wheel chair, with all the cheerfulness on her face and wonder if she was going to attend her granddaughter’s wedding party. You see that middle aged guy with a bunch of red roses running across the terminal and wonder if he is going to meet his beloved after being away for a long time. You see that teenage boy with his huge bag on his back and excitement in his eyes and wonder if he was going on his dream trip which he would come back from with lot of stories to tell his friends. You see that forty year old lady with a tired but a relieved face and wonder if she was pleased to be back home after a tiring job assignment.

Wherever the people were going to or coming from, whatever the purpose of the trip was, I always wondered would this trip bring them what they were looking for or would it be a totally unexpected event that they never thought would happen. I always wondered!!!

Dedicated to Cairo Pharmacy Graduates 2001

As time will pass and the years will flow,

Kanayes Masr El'adima Summer 1997
Originally uploaded by delingooo.
As we get more involved in the real world,

Abutalat Winter 1998
Originally uploaded by delingooo.

Only a few memories do remain,

Abutalat Summer1998
Originally uploaded by delingooo.

Memories we enjoyed, memories we hated,

Sharm Elsheikh Winter 1999
Originally uploaded by delingooo.
Memories of school that drove us crazy,

Sharm Elsheikh Winter 1999
Originally uploaded by delingooo.

Yet brought the funniest out of us,

Sharm Elsheikh 2000
Originally uploaded by delingooo
Memories that whenever they come to our minds,

Fall 2000
Originally uploaded by delingooo.
Bring us nothing but a cheerful smile,

Fall 2000
Originally uploaded by delingooo.

And a thought, although all the differences between us,

Eman's Engagment
Originally uploaded by delingooo
And how each one of us had his own style,

Hurgada Winter 2001
Originally uploaded by delingooo.
Yet everyone had his own share,

Red Sea Monasteries Winter 2001
Originally uploaded by delingooo.

In making this group and those years,

Bassem's Birthday Summer 2001
Originally uploaded by delingooo.
The most wonderful, peculiar and unforgotten.

Dream Park 2001
Originally uploaded by delingooo.

When hotdogs and burgers.....

When hotdogs and burgers become first class food, more enjoyable than the best French cuisine,
When a can of coke, on a special occasion, is as tasty as the most expensive bottle of wine,
When fancy limousines lose their charm and a ride on the bus becomes very fine.
Know! You are satisfied.

When the sun is so hot in the sky yet the color of its rays you enjoy,
When you walk for miles and all what you feel is a needle’s prick,
When you spend hours watching the ducks and wonder how beautiful God’s creation is.
Know! You are in peace.

When a walk in the park is more exciting than a cruise in the Caribbean,
And the merry-go-round becomes an amazing adventure,
When a silly conversation is interesting and a dump joke cracks up your laughter,
When a simple gesture is a bless from heaven and success is someone’s smile.
Know! You are happy.

So my dear friend, when such a moment comes to you,
Grasp so tightly and don’t let it go,
As it will pass by and won't be here to stay,
And your life will not be at all the same,
Without you enjoying it along your tiring way.

Friends from all around the world...

Today I was so touched by, although silly, yet extreemly friendly gesture. A friend of mine invited me over for dinner in his place. I told him that I would not be able to make it in time as I had to finish some work. But he insisted that I should come. He was inviting some other friends too and he said it would be ok if I came late. However, just before I leave to go to his place, another friend called me and said that they were all done and I was too late. I felt embarrassed so I called the guy again and asked him if he was sure that I should come. He insisted and said that although no one was there, yet I had to come. I go to his place and there was no light outside. I was late for sure and I just felt more embarressed and thought I will just leave. However, I found him calling me again asking where I was. I told him I was standing by the door but I felt that he had probably gone to bed as the lights were out. He yawned and said, "I was falling asleep but ya come." For a moment, I just was not going to do it. However, I saw him step out and told me to come in. I asked him as I was in the doorway if he was sure it was not late. Again, he insisted that it was fine.
Then all of a sudden the lights went on again and a scream came from where the bedroom was. And here they were all of my friends hiding away in the corner. Apparently no one had gone home and they were playing a trick on me. It was a childish, yet an extreemly warm gesture that for a few moments, made me forget all about being far away from home. It also made me think, if someone ever tells you you can not have friends with someone who is different in nationality, religion, race, language or background, they are the most ignorant and superficial that you have ever met, as I am definite that you can have friends...friends from all around the world!!!

The Dream

(This is dedicated to Maha and Shamoussa, with my deep love)
(Adapted from the original script written on 1997)

She was sitting in the same place she sat at every time she came here. And there he stood, far away from her, like a shining star in a clear night. She was watching him with great admiration, like everyone else. He was “perfect”. They all liked him however no one liked him as she did. She adored him. He was everything to her.
She knew well he doesn’t know her, he even doesn’t notice her. How could he through all these people? It was her dream that one day he would notice her and come down from where he was and talk to her. But it was just a dream as it was not possible, as long as she was sitting in a place like hers. But she couldn’t afford more than that. She had to be thankful, that was much better than nothing at all. She was satisfied to see him every night for three hours. It was enough for her to enjoy his company, even knowing that to him she doesn’t exist. He was great, she knew it. The applauding and cheers, she was hearing said so. She dreamt he would be talking to her. But it was a dream, her favorite, which would never happen, not after a million years. How could someone like him notice someone like her? It would never happen.
“I love you,” he cried.
She knew the sentence wasn’t for her, but she pretended it was and answered it simply in a whisper.
“I love you too.”
She wished he could hear her. But it was a dream, which will never come true.
It was over now and everybody was gone. If he only could appear once, just to tell him goodbye and have one of his great smiles. But how?! He must have left now. She felt so lonely and terribly sad. Yet she was still dreaming about him.
A hand touched her shoulder.
She turned around.
Then she saw him. It was him.
She was not dreaming but she couldn’t believe her eyes.
It must be a mistake.
“I know you,” he said. “You come here every night to watch the performance. You must like it very much. I’d like to know you a little better. Would you like to have dinner with me?”
And how could she say no?! That was her dream, which was coming true.
***************************************************
“What’s wrong my dear? You have been acting very weird lately?”
He asked her one night as they were having dinner outside. She stared at him for a while and thought of the time that has passed.
They have been together for quite a while. In the beginning, it was perfect. Everything she ever wanted or dreamt of was coming true. Everyone envied her for having him, as he was funny, responsible, so loving and caring in addition to a great social character. Simply everyone said he was “Perfect” and the more she knew him the more she realized it and grew more dependent on him. Slowly she started to lose her powers to judge. Anything that needed decision, however small it was, she had to run to him for advice and the more she asked for his advice, the more she lost her independence. Then she started to realize that she is not as smart, reliable or as perfect as he is. In public, she would be having a great conversation with everyone until he showed up and then a weird silence would land on her, as if she had lost the power to speak. Inside, she was always afraid, afraid of making a mistake while she is around him as she didn’t want anyone and especially him, to think of her as his inferior. So she preferred to stay silent.
“Please sir, would you give us your signature?”
A group of ladies stood by the table with pieces of paper and pens.
Being popular had its disadvantage, one of which he was always surrounded by others. This in turn reflected on her as she became more and more alone. It wasn’t the lonesome that annoyed her because she had been used to it before she met him, but more her dependence on him, like a drug addict who can’t live without his doses. Even when she tried to break free and become independent, the smallest pit she faced, made her panic so bad that she would run with all what was left in her strength to his shelter, to find peace.
“Is everything ok?” he asked her again when he was done with the signatures. “I’m sorry dear. I know this bothers you. I promise next time we go out, I’ll try to pick up a more private place.”
She nodded.
She was not bothered by the signatures and in fact he acted really great concerning that matter and others too. She was more bothered by herself, her identity which she seemed to have lost somewhere and she could not tell where.
****************************************************
“But why?” her friend asked her one day.
“To be myself again.” She said.
“But he is not as perfect as you think. You only see him like this because you love him.”
She was not sure whether it was true or not. She had always seen him as perfect and as her dream. But she could no longer take it. It was something about his perfection that was sucking her spirit away from her, leaving her as an amorphous creature. It reminded her of the story of the butterfly that was so attracted to the sun’s light that it kept getting closer and closer till it got burnt and died. Well she will not wait till she dies like the butterfly. She loved the sunlight but she definitely had the courage to stay away from its heat.
“It is over between us,” she told her friend with more determination than she ever had. She knew she was going to suffer through the process until she regained herself back. But she didn’t care. She knew she was a survivor, reality as well as her previous life told her so and she would definitely stay as one. As for him, her dream, that was just one of the millions she had, one that was not meant to be.

A princess or a gypsy?!

I had the chance to be around both, Princess and Gypsy.
Princess is a princess in every meaning the word describes. The way she moves around so quietly, yet elegantly. The way she walks as if taught by a professional. When she talks, it is as if the best linguistic in the world is guarding her tongue. Her voice is so soft that you want to listen to her forever as she makes you feel in paradise. Her laughter is never loud but more like a decent smile. She is so perfect that you feel she never makes a mistake. Whenever she is around, you can do nothing but watch her in wonder and feel you want to bow in respect.
However, you never get the chance to be her friend. She would be close yet so distant, as if a star so far away or a fairytale princess in her ivory tower. You try to penetrate that barrier and get to her mind but you never succeed because she is like a precious diamond in a sparkling glass window with hundreds of security codes that you can’t break. So you only keep watching and admiring her every time, wishing and trying to be closer, then you realize you can’t, so you simply give her one more look and you go on your way.

Gypsy is the opposite in every way. Her loud voice and chattering laugh come before you can even see her, and the moment she steps in the air feels different As she moves, everything around her get a piece of her attention. She is either talking to someone, to something or to herself. She is so full of life and energy to a contagious degree that you stay around her for a while and you are more live as you have ever been. The excitement you see in her eyes when she talks about something she believes in makes you so excited about the topic, even if you were not previously. As an opened book, one look in her eyes and it’s like you are in her heart and mind. So opened and so bold as if she has no fear, yet at moments of weakness so fragile that you just want to do anything to comfort her. You disagree with her in a conversation and she will not rest in peace until she proves her point but in the warmest and most friendly way you have seen that by the end of the conversation you don’t know if you want to wrestle her or hug her.

So if you were at a point where you had to choose to become one of them, who would it be? Would it be the princess who everyone admires yet so far away? Or would it be the gypsy that appears so common yet so close to your heart? Someone once told me that you don’t have to choose as there is nothing more unique and perfect than being yourself, but that answer never satisfied me and I kept wondering, if I were to choose, would it be princess or gypsy???

Battlefield in HER's head

Righteousness (mad): What, in heaven's name, do you think you are doing?
Corruption (surprised): What?!
Righteousness (still mad): I am asking you what are you doing?
Corruption: I am not doing anything.
Righteousness (more mad): Liar, you just told HER not to finish her work.
Corruption: I did not.
Righteousness: Yes you did.
Corruption: No, I didn't. She is the one who doesn't want to work. She is tired and sick of it.
Righteousness: Yes and you are encouraging her.
Corruption: Well, of course I am. This is my job.
Righteousness: You are evil. You are just driving HER to her mysery. You know she has to finish this or else she will be in trouble.
Corruption: Well it's your job to convince her not to listen to me.
Righteousness: Well I can't do my job because you are so tempting. One word of you distracts HER from listening to me.
Corruption (smiling): Well this is because I am good.
Righteousness: No that is because you just know her weakness.
Corruption: Unlike you who doesn't and is always pushing her so hard that one day she will just totally surrender to me.
Righteousness: That will never happen. And wait a minute! You are also telling her to go to that place with these people and specially that guy whom she shouldn't go with.
Corruption: Yes. I told you she is tired because you keep pushing her all the time. Now she needs some fun to keep going and this is my job.
Righteousness: But what you are telling her is wrong.
Corruption: Yeah and that is the fun of it.
Righteousness: Oh, please HER don't listen to Corruption, she is just driving you to your own ruin. Forget about going out. You have work to do.
Corruption: Ha ha haaaaaaaaaa, she is not gonna listen to you. My voice is filling her head now. She loves my ideas and she is not gonna listen to you.
Righteousness: No she will. I will make her listen to me.
Corruption (with sarcasm): How are you gonna do that?
Righteousness: I will show you how (and with her fist, hits her nose and drives her back a couple of feet)
Corruption (in pain): Aaw, what was thatfor?
Righteousness (challenging): So that you can shut up and HER can hear me.
Corrupt: Alright if this is the case, here we go (and she pulls Righteousness's hair)
Righteousness: (Screams) You are asking for a fight! Ok, I am all ready for it.
(They start fighting. It becomes more intense every minute. Now both Corruption and Righteousness are all over each other, a smack from here and a bite from there, all tangled up, banging things around and creating an enourmous mess and noise.)
HER (screaming in pain): Stooooooooooooooooop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Both Corruption and Righteousness: Shut up there, we are working here. (and they continue fighting.)
(All of a sudden a big bang, as if something was just hit against the wall. Another bang, a third and a fourth. Corruption and Righteousness stop. Wait for a minute and a fifth bang comes along.)
Corruption: What is this?!
Righteousness: I think HER is banging her head against the wall.
Corruption: What? Why is she doing this?
Righteousness: I am not quite sure but I think she is trying to get rid of one of us.
Corruption: What a fool? Doesn't she know that she can't get rid of us ever?
(Another bang)
Righteousness: Well not if she killed herself.
Corruption: Hmm, what an idea?! (Screams out) Hey girl keep doing that, great job! This world doesn't really deserve living in it.
Righteousness: Are you out of your mind?! This is a sin!!!
Corruption: Do you think I care! That is why they call me Corruption and you are Miss Righteousness.
Righteousness: Ok, I will say it in a language you understand. If she goes, we go with her. Do you still want her to kill herself.
Corruption (thinking): Hmm, may be not. (Smiling) But I can keep her doing it till she just starts to bleed. The veins up here would only take a few more bangs like that and then they will just burst.(screaming) Hey girl one more time and all your problems will be solved. (Hear another bang) That is just lovely!! One more.
Righteousness (sreaming): Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! Stop it you are gonna kill yourself. God doesn't like people who kill themselves. Stooooooooooooooooooop. (and she starts pushing Corruption again, they start once more in a fight. The banging from outside increases.)
Reason (sleepy): Ahm, what is going on? You guys are not fighting again are you? And what is all that banging?
Righteousness: It is all Corruption's fault. As always.
Corruption: No it's not. You are the one who started fighting with me.
Righteousness: That is because you are trying to let HER do things that she shouldn't be doing.
Corruption: And you are being so stern, not considering that she is human and has needs and desires that need to be fulfilled. She can't just simply follow the book of right all the time.
(They start fighting again.)
Reason (trying to be in control): Ladies, ladies!!! Let's try to be more civilized here, shall we? Would someone please tell me what is going on here?
Righteousness: She is telling her not to finish her work and to go to that party with that guy, and she should not because it's wrong.
Corruption: I disagree. All what I want is for her to be happy. She has been so tired lately and working so hard that some fun would do her some good. But of course Miss Righteousness won't let me do it because she doesn't understand what is fun in the first place.
Righteousness: Yes I don't understand fun when she has work to do.
Reason: Ok ladies, you are never gonna grow up, I just leave you guys by yourself and everything is ruined. (Thinking) But I think I have a solution for this one.
Both Righteousness and Corruption at the same time (pointing to each other): I don't think you can say anything that make me agree on anything she agrees on.
Reason: Just listen to me. Righteousness, HER has been really working hard lately and she needs to relax for a while.
Corruption: That is what I say.
Righteousness: No way in Heaven.
Reason: I am not done yet. Corruption, you know very well that she has some work to do and she has to do it.
Righteousness: This is what I say.
Corruption: Nonsense, she is human she can't keep working all the time.
Reason (Angry): Can both of you shut up till I am done? (Calms herself down) So here is the deal. She works for a while, finishes what she needs to do and then she goes out with her other group of friends for dinner and a movie.
Corruption: What about going out with him?
Righteousness: No hims.
Corruption: That is not fair. She needs someone in her life.
Reason: Well if it is really a necessity, that other guy in their group might go out for dinner. He is no problem. But not that first guy. He is just trouble.
(Silence)
Reason: What do you guys think?
Corruption (shrugs): Well, it is ok with me.
Righteousness (not really excited about it): May be yes.
Reason (All excited): Yeah, finally no more fighting. (And for a while it was really calm. Even the banging that came from outside stopped at that moment.)
Reason: Great!! Now some relaxation around. Don't worry HER. I am all in control and it will all be fine now.
Corruption and Righteousness (Both looking at each other with challenge and whispering): That's what you think!!!!!!

What an idea!!!

Although I have known about these blogs for a while, it was only today that I thought of actually having one of my own. "I have always wanted to write, so why don't I use this to write?!" This is what I told myself a few minutes and here I am creating my own. Just one thing that struck me, is that life is so busy to the extent we totally forget about who we are and what we want.
So please don't do as I did;
Don't forget yourself;
Don't get lost in the busy life;
And definitely don't forget your dreams!!!!